Let's get this straight
right from the beginning. No one has the right to tell someone else
they aren't a true fan/geek/nerd because of X. That is some
straight-up bullshit and I'm sick and tired of seeing it splashed all
over the Internet.
I'm going to assume everyone
reading this knows about the recent comments Tony Harris made about
girls in cosplay at conventions. I'm not going to link or repeat his
comments because, quite frankly, they are moronic and sexist. I mean,
really, complaining about people having fun wearing a costume? What
crawled up Tony Harris' butt and took over? (For an interesting
theory on this please consult the following link -
http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/11/14/when-gut-boys-attack/
)
I've now had the pleasure of
attending a few cons, including a day at FanExpo in Toronto. At
almost every single one I've had the pleasure to make the
acquaintance of female geeks, some in cosplay and some not. Every
single one of these women has been intelligent, engaging,
interesting, and a pleasure to be around. In short, they were
beautiful in more than just the physical sense. (If you're one of the
women I've met at a con and you're reading this then yes, I am
talking about you.)
I hate to think what my life
would be like if I held Mr. Harris' attitude. I remember my teen
years when I was extremely shy and alone. I did not trust anyone,
least of all the pretty girls. A large part of that was fear at being
teased and laughed at because I was perpetually the outsider. Being a
geek only made it worse, because when I was growing up being a geek
was still far from cool. Thankfully, through a lot of mental anguish
and honest self-assessment I've grown past these insecurities and
understand that the pretty girls are just people with different
plumbing, and that has made all the difference.
Should I be jealous of
people growing up today, when just about anyone can watch a couple
episodes of Dr. Who and claim they are a nerd, or who play one game
of Dungeons and Dragons and say they're a gamer? Hell no! There's no
declared point where someone becomes a nerd or geek. I may jokingly
say, “Nah, your not a nerd until X,” but that's more because I
want to encourage them to explore our great nerd/geek subculture
more., and because I have an odd sense of humour.
Also, should I be
angry/scared/upset over casual fans coming to conventions in cosplay,
especially if they are attractive, female, and wearing something
provocative? Uh, no. Nope. Negative. Niet. NEIN! And so on. These
women went to all the effort of either making or buying the elements
needed to put together said costume and have the confidence to wear
it in public. My response should be to appreciate not just the fact
that they look good in it but all the hard work and/or money that
went into constructing said costume. And so should you.
Guys, instead of being upset
that these beautiful women are “invading” what you consider your
space, go over to them and say, “That is an amazing costume.”
Now, I shouldn't have to say this but I will anyways, say this while
looking into their eyes rather than other parts of their anatomy, no
matter how pleasing to look at said anatomy may be. Leering is never
a good thing. Most women don't like it, and even if they do it makes
you look like a creeper to everyone else.
No, give an honest
compliment and unless a conversation naturally springs up, such as
you ask her why she chose that character and then get into an
engaging discussion about comics or whatever, then politely walk
away. This is for two reasons. First, hanging around a half-naked
woman you're not talking can be seen as creepy. Second, she may not
be in the mood to talk or have something on her mind. Either way,
don't hang around for no good reason. Just because this particular
girl wasn't interested in talking to you doesn't mean all the girls
aren't interested, but if you give everyone the creeper vibe by
hanging around or giving unwanted attention then you may make it so
no one, male or female, wants to talk to you.
Keep in mind, no one, male
or female, owes you anything. It's great that you share the same
interest, but that's all that you do. A woman wearing a provocative
costume is not wearing an invitation for your attention, the same as
a guy in a superhero t-shirt may just like the way it looks and
doesn't need or want to discuss comics for hours on end. Harassing
anyone is not cool, no matter the circumstances.
Don't be afraid or angry
about anyone new deciding to join geek fandom. Welcome them in
politely and get to know them. Share what you're passionate about
with them but not all at once. Give them time to acclimate and what
you'll find that you've gained a new friend and are better for it.
Now some of you may be
crying out from your poor black hearts, “What about the fake geek
girls!?!” Ummm, okay, how do we determine they're fake? “Oh, you
know, the ones that dress up all skanky in order to get attention
from us.” Yeah, for various reasons this isn't a problem.
First, don't assume that
just because someone is dressed provocatively, like what you would
consider the stereotypical “booth-babe” that they don't know
anything at all about who or what they're dressed as. They may in
fact know more than you do and could school you on a few things.
Instead of getting defensive and angry about it, ask questions. Learn
something. Just because someone, especially a, gasp, girl, knows more
about something than you doesn't make you less of a man/geek. A true
man accepts his faults and ignorance and strives to be better.
Second, if in fact someone
is dressed up in order to garner attention the solution is not to
shout insults at them. Besides, how do you know that's their intent?
Look, this is a really complicated issue. Some people do dress in
order to garner attention, some dress because they love the character
and see it as a way to honour them, some dress that way because damn
they look good. (I'm still looking for the cosplay that does that for
me.) If you think they are dressing to draw attention/make the geeks
all hot and bothered for nefarious reasons, the solution is for you
to ignore them. It's better for everyone all around. While you're
over there pointedly ignoring them I'll be the one having a pleasant
conversation with the lovely lady dressed head to toe in steampunk
glory. See! Win-win all around.
Or, you know, you could give
up on the whole idea of “fake geek girls”, or better yet dropping
both “fake” and “girls” and realize, as I've been saying all
along, they're people too. You'd be amazed at how things get better
for you when you stop acting like a judgemental ass and have real
conversations with people, when you stop seeing a woman in a sexy
costume as an object to be consumed but as a person brave enough to
expose not only their skin but themselves to ridicule and
objectification to do something they truly love.
In the end, the rule is, as
always, don't be a dick even though you may have one.
